The Secret Life Of A Stay At Home Mom.

Attention Men:

Stay-at-home-mothers are extremely talented people. We are master multi-taskers, of course anyone who has ever picked up a parenting magazine knows that. I'm going to share with you some things you may not know about your precious wife/girlfriend, we have secret lives and abilities, it takes our whole Super Woman status to a whole new level.

First allow me to point out that a mom with 1 baby changes approximately 1,825 diapers a year CONSERVATIVELY, double that to 3,650 for 2 kids. Majority of us moms do not change their children beside a trash can, a few of us might use a changing table. This leaves room for perfecting AIM. That's right guys, while you are at work we are perfecting a 3pt diaper toss from across the living room to the trash can, and ya know what, we make it, almost.every.single.time.

When you are home we often * miss * the trash can, and disregard comments like " don't quit your day job" we have to do that to keep face. The truth is, we can beat you anytime, any day and anywhere. This is not limited to diaper tossing, nooo that's just our way of practicing, we can kick your butt at beer pong, basketball, diaper tossing, corn hole, bowling and a few of us are master marksmen. Our abilities do not end there, not by far.

Hunny? can you fix this? is not us saying " I can't do it!" it's us saying " I've already fixed it 10 times this week, I'm tired of it" that's right we are pretty tech savvy, and we have to be with kids around. While you are fixing the cable box or running the surround sound, we are patting ourselves on the back, because you have no idea that while you were at work, we successfully fished pennies and cheerios out of your precious game console, returning it to perfect working order, so good infact, you have no idea it was a paper weight at lunch time.

SAHM's have this unique ability to be patient, so patient in fact we can read the instructions AND successfully program the tv's remote control, that's right, it didn't just start mysteriously working by itself one day. If you find there is something you can't get to work, don't worry about it when you come home from work it will be working, we will say it's what you did earlier that fixed it, just needed some time to reset or something i'm sure.

We are not a "jack of all trades" we are "Queen's of all trades" there's nothing we can't do during nap time :)

Parental Revenge =) Pt. 1

There seems to be thing going around lately, I think all the Occupy Wall Street that's been on the news has sunken into my childrens head and they now have taken up Occupy Mommy & Papi's bed, prevent sleep at ALL cost! Even with my constant begging throughout the day for them to take naps, I am denied each and every request!

Last night we were up until about 2:30am telling A.J. to " get back in bed!" and "get out of the refridgerator!" I seriously don't think NFL players eat as much as this child! Bela she's a different story, she will sleep great, and when she wakes up, she will * sometimes* play quietly wih her toys in her crib. She however, will flip out if she hears her brother, or any of his toys and at that point, day or night we must tend to her. Needless to say hubby and myself spend many days and nights completely exhausted, last night and today were no exception. Not only did naps not happen but, they have been bouncing off the walls for a LONG time.

Fast forward to dinner time, I told Pito I was fixing mashed potatoes and steak, I asked him if he wanted any and he said yes, Bela would eat mashed potatoes 3 times a day if I let her, so I knew I had a home run in my pocket. Before I could start cooking I had to do dishes and clean up, hubby also had to run to the store for milk ( Thanks for returning babe!) It didn't take me much time to actually cook, maybe 15-20 minutes max. Pito was constantly asking me " mommy eat?" I kept telling him in a few minutes sweetie, please CLOSE the refridgerator door! go play birds or something! I finally finished cooking and turned around holding his plate and this is what I saw!!! (Pictures)

Sleeping on my watch?? not 1 but 2 sound asleep, oddly placed children in my living room. I sat down pito's bowl and grabbed the camera. I take a few pictures, yawn, rub my eyes and realize how absolutely unfair this picture is. Hubby and I exchanged looks and he went and grabbed his LOUDEST most ANNOYING toy fire truck, one we must hear every single day atleast 100 times, complete with annoying never ending theme song!

He looked so peaceful sound asleep on the ottoman, hubby sat beside him laid the fire truck over him and turned it ON! hahahah.... lights and sirens and a man on the microphone yelling, aww poor baby what a sucky way to wake up!! atleast we gave him the courtesy of setting it on him and not hitting him in the head with it, as he has done to us so many times before. He woke up pretty mad! and Bela woke up too once she heard his toy, but she was delighted to have mashed potatoes, pito on the other hand, it was a fight to get him to eat.. He is awake now, and at 8:30 he will have my blessing to curl up in his bed and go to sleep, like the rest of us.

I might sound cruel, but from now on, if I don't sleep the kids don't sleep!

a moment of seriousness..

I designed this blog to be funny and light hearted, but I feel the need to talk about something, most people try to brush off. I just learned about this beautiful little girl http://news.yahoo.com/search-missing-ga-girl-turns-body-trash-231600387.html

7 years old, went missing in Ga and is suspected to be murdered, if indeed it is her body found in the dumpster near her home, beaten and sexually assaulted. Obviously the whole thing breaks my heart and infuriates me but further more, I want to know:

Why wasn't this beautiful girls face on my news, morning, noon and night? Where were the lines of news trucks, search parties and command center? even more sad, where was the Amber lert? This absolutely KILLS me.

My husband and I were part of a search and rescue team put together for the hunt for missing 7 year old Somer Thompson in Jacksonville FL, she was also later recovered in landfill. The morning we searched for her, it looked like a tail gating party, there was a FLOOD of campers, news trucks, police officers even the military had atleast 300 sailors out there on military time.

At the time, Somer Thompsons dissapearance was a mystery, she did not come home from school, ran ahead of some other kids on the walk home and was never seen alive again. However there was an Amber Alert issued for her as well as tons of other resources used, even equisearch was there! ( a group of guys from texas who search for lost kids on horseback)

Where were these resources for this little girl? I hate to bring this up, but I see this all the time. This baby was obviously hispanic of sorts, and she did NOT receive the same attention as caucasion somer thompson. I am white, obviously, however my kids are mixed, and the thought that other races are not appearing to be as high priority, really makes me mad!! every child out there deserves the same attention and dedication to their case should the need arise. I hope that with voices like mine and many others, we can join together, speak out and demand that every child and family be treated fairly and compassionately...

RED, YELLOW, BLACK AND WHITE, THEY ARE PRECIOUS IN HIS SIGHT, JESUS LOVES THE LITTLE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD.. and we should too.

Things that go bump in the night.

Few things get my blood pumping like waking up at 325 am to a crash and thud followed by intense screaming!... Beside my head.
      My sweet pito had snuck into my room at some point, laid on the bed somewhere, probably above my head (it's been done before) and then proceeded to fall off it. His head was definitely on the laundry list of body parts smacked on the way down, this bed is afterall quite tall.
     I snapped out of my peaceful sleep and rushed to his side where I picked him up off the floor, I rubbed my hand gently over his head and was relieved to not find blood. He was absolutely histerical and the only two words making any sense were "It Hurts!" He keep closing his eyes on me and refusing to open them so he could look at mommys light, he was not going to sleep until I saw those pupils and was happy with them. Keeping him awake was proving to be a losing battle, so I did what any concerned mom would do, I got out the "treat treats" and asked him to join me in a 3:45 am snack...hahaha  I won!!! and yet lost in so many ways! He realized he had the strength to sit up and eat a chocolate peanut butter whipped topping dessert! OK, pupils responsive to light,check. pito calming down,check. bela back asleep,check. mommy back to sleep? Negative. Adrenaline just doesnt work that way for me.

        I really envy all the princesses in childrens books, they all have blissful slumbers and awake peacefully and well rested with birds chirping in the air.  That my friends, is the real fairytale. In this house, if its a bird chirping something furry probably caught it and brought it inside. If its quiet.. Someone has already or is getting ready to hoak something. And if you wake up to screaming thats because someone snuck into your room, fell asleep on your bed, fell off said bed and seriously smacked his little head.

      Pito seems to be ok, he is now sleeping, no major bruising and no blood, oh someone please tell "all the kings horses and all the kings men to relax, mommy's got this one :)

Utoh It's Hoaken!

My son A.J. aka "Pito" (pea-toe) is one of the 4 loves of my live, I believe each child of mine brings something amazingly special to the table, Pito brings us endless laughter, joy and occasionally tears.

Pito like most 2 year olds does not have an easily recognized vocabulary, and one word can easily be used to describe, well.. pretty much anything. Let's take the word "Hoaken" for an example.

Hoaken is Pito's way of saying " broken" pretty much everything in my house at one time or another has been hoaked or hoaken according to him.

When Pito comes running into the room, or running out of the room, chances are it's hoaken.

When he puts toys in the toilet - it's hoaken, when he colors on things he's not supposed to, he hoaked it. When he can't get his shoes on, those are hoaken too.. so naturally when I hear those famous words " utoh mommy hoaken!" I take it with a grain of salt.

Pito has recently discovered the game Angry Birds, to say he is obsessed would be an under statement, every night I plug my phone into the charger and every morning I look over and see he tail end of the charger, empty. Before asking for cheerios and seeee-ree-ale (cereal) I get asked for Angry Birds, IF I'm lucky. I have pretty much accepted the fact that I have lost the use of my phone, squaking and squeeling in the background are everyday commons in this house now. Thank God the battery dies out eventually! right?.... wrong...

My little man is smart, he picks up my phone, presses the top button, waits for the design lock to come on and puts in the code as if he's been doing it his whole life, the app screen pops up and he goes straight for angry birds, a child so smart, if only he knew to plug the phone back up when it started to die, would prevent it's later dying, or keeping it from getting hoaked!

Pito was playing birds, and the phone died. Instead of putting it on the charger or handing it to me, he decided it needed fixin, everyone knows a tech can not properly fix something without taking it apart right?

I wish I could say that this was a rare occurance, but he does this to my phone and my husbands every.single.day. I'm sure people will think I'm nuts but, for Christmas AJ is getting an Android tablet complete with his very own copy of Angry Birds and tamper proof backing. In exchange, I may actually be able to answer my phone calls, reconnect with friends and hang up on sales calls rather than entertain them with random babble for 5 minutes at a time, I think Pito has a fan club of 1-800 numbers, as they have NEVER called me as much as they do now.

Tomorrow brings us a fun filled day of buying out the NEX of all their Tide Bleach Pens and fixing the couch cushions and chair cushions that were also on Pito's hoaken list, and by hoaken I mean sneaking out of bed at 2 am and helping himself to Chef Boyardee... and feeding my living room/kitchen in the process.